u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
