remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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