My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
