I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
