how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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