I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My liver just broke up with me...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
