I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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