WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
