Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
