your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
