Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
