Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
