Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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