He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
