You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
