I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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