at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
