A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
