Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
