just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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