I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
