After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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