i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
