he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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