Welp...herpes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
