so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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