Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
