i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
