She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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