im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
