she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
