My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
