Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
