oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
