sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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