He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
