also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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