this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
