We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
