You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
