The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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