At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
