I'm passing your future prison.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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