My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
