i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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