never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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