I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
