I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
