she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
