Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
