best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
